The dangers of being married.....

 This is a mini series I started a while ago and I wanted all of these little shorts in one place. Hope you enjoy them!!! =]  

The dangers of being married #1... when showering your husband gets a huge glob of shampoo in your eye. An hour later said eye still stings.

The dangers of being married #2... After a bit your realize that your clothes are dirty and being the sweet wife that you are (cough cough) you ask your husband if he has any dirty clothes that he would like to have washed.... seven laundry loads and three days later you do the math and realize... if I don't want this to happen again I'll be doing laundry every two weeks!!!!

 

The dangers of being married #3... (this one is for the husbands) your spread eagle on your bed and all of a sudden you receive a swift solid blow to your thighs. Hmmm I guess your wife didn't appreciate your knees in her back. So what does she do to get back at you?? She steals the jean comforter from you and wraps herself up nice and tight. Now you're stuck with the fluffy pink polka dotted one.

The dangers of being married #4... The perfect man you married isn't so perfect! He's got an addiction... yeah sure he's addicted to you when you're dating and during the honeymoon but now reality hits and all his faults come to the surface!!!! And can you guess what he's addicted to? Not tobacco, not adult entertainment... WORSE! He's addicted to video games! AHHHH!!!! =]

The dangers of being married #5... There will always be miscommunications! For example ... Corey: "Baby Keith's gonna call Ashley when we get off work," (which would be at 4 am) "if you're up can I call you too?" Myself: "Yeah sure that's fine. I'll stay up and you can call me." Corey: "You don't have to stay up just make sure you have a phone by you...."

The dangers of being married #6... while other husbands might snore like a chainsaw or growl like a bear in their sleep, what my husband does is much more annoying. =] He mumbles in his sleep... This morning when he got home from work we were dosing off when I heard... "mmmmiiii.....inhale...... mmmmmiiiii......inhale........mmmmiiiiii.....etc." I think I hurt his feelings when I kept covering his mouth with my hand.

The dangers of being married #7... All of a sudden when ever your husband isn't home it gets harder and harder to fall asleep when he isn't there lying next to you. So instead of calling him every twenty minutes (more like every five) you decide to keep it together. Watch all of the old Harry Potter movies and scrap book like crazy until he gets home. LoL

The dangers of being married #8.... When being away from your husband for at least a week (more like years) you start watching more romance movies. And when it gets to the good part when the hero of the story is leaning in for a kiss you skip to the next chapter and think to yourself "If I can't have a tender kiss no one can!!!" Mwah hahahhaa!

The dangers of being married #9.... When being away from each other the both of you become textaholics and you end up saying mushy stuff you never meant to say.... such as "you are the most beautiful man I've ever seen..." or he will say "Hey don't give me no attitude... it took me a long time to understand." And after a two hour long conversation you both can go to bed with smiles on your face. (stupid texting)

The dangers of being married # 10.... My husband is an early bird his wife is a night owl. This morning he decided to call me at seven just to see what I was up to. Guess how the conversation went? "(groggy) hello?" "(wide awake) What you doing?" "(groggy) sleeping...." "(wide awake) oh well I was bored and wanted to talk to you.... but go back to sleep." "(groggy happy) okay!" "goodnight" "goodni" click!!!!!

The dangers of being married #11.... When giving yourself a manicure your husband asks what that block thingy is (the one bought at the mall from the very annoying and pushy men from Israel. The one that files, buffs, and shines...), you show him on your nails... not even ten seconds later he asks if you'll do his nails. I'm so glad that after using the block your hands only look buffed. =]

 

The dangers of being married #12.... Guys if you challenge your significant other to a tennis match on the Wii then be prepared for her to whoop your butt AND brag about it! Please save yourself the embarrassment of a rematch. (Corey didn't and I kicked his rear AGAIN!!!) Yeah I'm cocky but you would be too if you had won twice!!! Mwah hahahah =]

The dangers of being married #13.... Ladies if you are ticked go to your man (yes even if he's in the middle of a video game and it's the level he can't possibly get passed). Ask him nicely to pause the game, then vent your heart out. Fellas you should then pretend to be just as mad as she is even if you have no idea why she is so mad.

The dangers of being married #14... You wake up. Your nasty hair is in a bun. You're wearing sweats and you have absolutely no makeup on. Later that day you take a shower, curl your hair, and your makeup is to die for. Yet when you ask your hubby "How do I look?" You weren't expecting... "You look the same." I could've strangled him!!! LoL what a little punk.

The dangers of being married #15.... (15 is my lucky #) Prego= stomach aches, head aches, back aches, chest aches, heart burn, nausea, wicked freaky dreams, lately no more than five hours of sleep (tops), and whacked out emotions. Married to prego= running to the store at 2 a.m. to get prego what she's craving and then sleeping like a bear in his third week of hibernation. Why do men have it so easy?!?!  

The dangers of being married #16.... You fall head over heels again for your husband when he shows his appreciation for you by buying.... a beautiful flower arrangement, a gorgeous necklace, and some delicious doughnuts for dinner. LoL